Reading and crying in the all-too-early hours of the morning

So I'm glad to announce that I'm finally done reading Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close and I finally understand everything that went on in the book. Today, instead of going to school, I am being sick. For many various reasons I decided not to go to school; first of all, I really am truly sick, I woke up with this bad hole in my mouth, that's still there now; secondly, my sleeping patterns have been really irregular, for the past few days, I've been staying up till 3-5am in the morning...just reading, which is something I don't mind too much, but the though of waking up the next day (or day of) feeling completely drained of energy doesn't excite me too much; thirdly, I really need to get some shit done at home, things like chores, art projects...and reading more. The day before, I bought another book (by Tao Lin) online with this gift card I got for Christmas, and yesterday I bought two more books, one by Camus (a French writer; because the book is in French) and the other by Vonnegut.

Anyway, one of the reasons I'm writing is to discuss how Foer's novel really really made me cry. I mean I was bawling in my bed while reading this novel at 8am in the morning. It sort of felt good, like I was not only relieving the pressures of my good friend Oskar Schell in the novel, but my own pressures as well. But while in the midst of crying like I'd lost my own father, I wondered why and how things like books and movies could provoke such fierce emotions of sadness. I mean it's quite evident that novels and films do that to people, I was just really wondering, "why"? It's not like the events that happened in the novel was ever true (particularly for Oskar), and even if it was, how does the sad story of another's life get me bawling like there's no tomorrow? Either way, I fully enjoyed this novel by Foer and was quite saddened when the story had to end.

Let's just say that that was a rhetorical questoin, and I'm not really looking for an answer or anything. It's one of those things where you get it, but you don't get it. You have to delve deeper into thinking than just scratching the surface of that question and initial thought of it.

Extremely Close & Incredibly Loud made me feel and think in a googolplex of many ways (I caught on the word googolplex after reading the novel, it's quite a fun an interesting word to describe and spice up yours sentences). Through out the novel, parts the novel switched from Oskar's first person point of view to either one of his grandparent's first point of view. And that's what was made me feel the heaviest, or maybe just like life is so goddamn short. They, either when the grandma or grandpa was narrating, always talked about their youths and their sad lives (in my point of view) as old people and how they lost everything in the bombing of Dresden, and how life was so goddamn precious, but they just kept hurting themselves by not being truthful to each other because their own fears and regrets of the past. It gave me "heavy boots" (which is a phrase Oskar used often) when they narrated, it made me feel like my youth was passing right by me and in a short while I'll be that old and grown sitting in some place by myself thinking about my grandchildren or something of that sort. And especially since I've been feeling like there's no time in a day to do everything I want to do lately, life seems especially expedient and short, exemplifying the fact that I'll be old too quick! But, I am only ranting, and I know that I'm just feeling like this at the moment, but I will shortly get over it and live life normally, as if it's not short at all.

But still, that thought led me to thinking about my own future, and how one day my little brother (who is only 6 months old currently) will have children and be taller than me and I will finally know someone who really cares about me and has a special connection with me, someone else' sister! Or maybe I'm just assuming too much to think that he will love me that much, but already I am growing so attatched to him. Oh, you cannot understand how strange it is for me to one day be able to know and love a person like that.

This novel had me wide awake at 3am in the morning. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. My mind was thinking too much. Did you know that it takes an average person 7 minutes to fall asleep?

It took me 30 minutes.

Anyway, I think that's all I have to say for now. I've been trying to find new topics to write about here, but so far nothing is great enough for me to speak of. Hopefully I'll find something soon.