oh what a sensitive child

New blog

2010-03-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking about starting fresh. This blog has grown a bit old.

http://noussuigeneris.tumblr.com/

Even if I did want to go blogger again. I'd probably start a new blog here too. We'll see how it goes.

I miss my youth and I'm only 19.

2010-02-21T15:23:00.001-08:00

The places I used to go. The cigarettes I used to smoke. The way I used to dress. The town I felt like a bohemian in. The certainty I felt in my heart that everything was at peace.

Everything that used to hold me up. The feeling of my youth. The bliss.

I struggle to find it now that I am on my own and taking care of myself. To listen to music again and feel something inspiring in my heart and spirit. To feel as if there are still a million of things to learn! To smile in the middle of the day for no reason at all except that I am alive and well!

Where did the spirit of my youth go?

The xx

2009-10-30T19:19:00.000-07:00

http://www.myspace.com/thexx

This dreamy band from the UK has been on repeat for about the last week now. The xx consists of a duet pair singing as lovers do. Very mellow and very sexy. It's mood music, if you know what I mean.

VCR - The xx

Oh brother of mine.

2008-12-27T00:23:00.000-08:00

He knows how to say my name now, but I wonder if he really knows I'm his sister. But then again, do most infants/babies know what brother and sisters really are yet?

Music: Of Montreal

2008-12-01T18:54:00.000-08:00

I've known of Of Montreal for awhile now, but I've never really extensively listened to them like I did Beirut or anything of that sort. But yesterday, while some folks in my apartment were getting lost on youtube, we came across some pretty cool Of Montreal music videos. They blew my mind away with their utterly silly charm and catchy, happy tunes. Well, that is to say that the music was good along with the visual images.

Now...I don't feel too much like describing Of Montreal, the video probably already described them well enough. Anyway, now that I've reintroduced myself them, all I can say is I want more of this Of Montreal.

Follow-up on previous post about Graffiti Art on Facebook.

2008-11-18T03:45:00.000-08:00

Girls have always been my specialty. Perhaps it is because I am a woman and know the body of a woman well? I'm supposing so, because I was never gifted to draw men well. I guess I'll just have to practice more.

"Hey Ya" Cover

2008-11-14T02:06:00.000-08:00

I've known of this song for awhile. And though this is an old cover, I still think it's amazing how such a happy and danceable song by Outkast could actually (in lyric) underneath be truely lonesome and not-so-happy song.

There's also a youtube video of Matt Weddle that wikipedia has said to be already viewed by over one million people since 2006 when it debuted.

Pandora will open the doors

2008-11-07T21:37:00.000-08:00

I recently discovered Pandora just this week. Already, I've been eagerly listening to what Pandora will show me next.

You start out by going to the website (linked above under Pandora), typing in the name of your favorite song or artist, and the Music Genome Project compiles for you a little radio of similar sounding artists and songs of the one you chose.

At first I was skeptical of how accurate this site could find music that would match my ears, but to my surprise, Pandora opened the door to a world of new artists I could really listen to.

Pandora also reintroduced me to bands and songs that I had forgotten about because I never got the chance to download them and whatnot.

SeeqPod - Playable Search

The apartment

2008-10-21T19:43:00.000-07:00

We've been here since August. If you count the months, it seems like no time at all. But it feels like I've been living on my own for more than just 3 months!

In addition, this is the first time I'm taking care of a cat in my household.

Get me away from here.

2008-10-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

As the title of this post may sound as if I'm not in a very happy mood, it is very contray to how this song makes me feel so good.

The beginning

2008-08-26T10:57:00.001-07:00

So, I know that I haven't really been making very many posts lately, but I just haven't really had that much access to the internet with moving in to my new apartment and everything. Plus, my camera charger is still with my parents and I haven't seen them in awhile.

Anyway, I've finally moved out of home and I started my first day of college yesterday. I'm pretty excited and I'm eager to see what lies ahead of me. But enough about myself, even though I'll probably eventually post pictures of my new apartment sooner or later. My first experience living on my own and I think my place is more than what I could have wished for. Well, I'm off to do some class work now...

Pearls Before Swine

2008-07-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis. Found this comic through reading the funny papers in the LA Times. It gave me a real good laugh. Their expressions just really hit me! Enjoy.

Origami Festival - Sunday, July 13th, 2008 12pm-4pm

2008-07-02T21:55:00.001-07:00

This fall I will be attending Cal State Long Beach (CSULB) as an incoming freshman. And so, because I missed the on-campus housing deadline, I've been forced to look for off-campus housing. It's been quite a trek, trying to find the right roommate and location to live in. But in doing so I've come to visit the CSULB website quite frequently and because of that, I got news of this event, the Origami Festival 2008. It is going to be held on Sunday, July 13th, 2008 from 12pm to 4pm.

If you're interested in attending, read more about it here at the website where I read about it originally. There you can also find directions on how to get to the garden.

The festival will be located at the Japanese Garden on the campus of CSULB. There is an admission fee, but I'm sure it's worth it. I've been there once before, long ago when I was really too young to know that I was on a college campus. But even still, I remember my visit to the garden quite well. What I remember the most about the garden was the koi fishes. I really had lots of fun. It's a great place to bring children. And if you are a child at heart, then I'm sure you'll love it as well.

I haven't been to the Japanese Garden since I was 9 or 10, but as I remember, people were able buy fish food from food dispensers for a small fee of 25 cents. It was really fun to feed the fishes. I remember even dipping my tiny hands into the water and some of the fishes would come and start sucking on my knuckles. It was great. Really.

I also believe that they're going to have a koi auction at the Japanese Garden later on in the month as well. But there won't be a need for me to attend that. Maybe I'll buy some fishes for myself later on, but they won't be as big as koi fishes.

Anyway, I've kind of strayed away from what the event is all about, origami! If you've always wanted to learn how to properly fold paper, then I say this is the event for you! Even if that's not the case for you, because some people like me already know how to fold paper cranes, there's still a lot more to learn. Plus it just seems like loads of fun, if you're having a boring summer. In the end, events like this are always fun to go to.

Beirut - St. Apollonia

2008-07-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

Waiting the first day of my life.

I hear that Zach Condon is taking a break from touring. Even though it's sad that no one will be able to enjoy his concerts for a little while, I hope him the best in discovering new beats, ideas, music, ect. Can't wait for him to come back. Until then, I hope him the best.

The feeling of warmth and nostalgia in being back in my old community

2008-06-30T22:38:00.000-07:00

I'm currently in Minnesota for two weeks. This is the first time I've actually ever paid for my own plane ticket, though not my first time flying alone. I've been flying alone across the country since I was the age of 4. So it's nothing new for me. But with gas prices soaring, who knows when I'll take another trip back up here? So I must make the most of it while I'm here.

This trip, it's different. I'm finally an "adult" now and everyone is treating me differently. Perhaps because I am older and perhaps because really I am different, but I'm not sure if many people noticed. Many people say that I still look the same as I did the last time I was in town...making me feel as if I did little growing, but that's when my aunts try to make me feel better by saying that Hmong women just age well. Although, I think it's really just asian women in general that seem to age well, they meant.

Anyway, as much as I love living in California and embracing the diversity of my homeland terrain, I also love coming back to my Hmong community as well. I've never really been one to fully embrace my culture, but lately walking into life with a different mind set and more willingness to accept, I've been quite interested in getting to know and understand more about my culture.

Just today, my cousin Lucie bought me a copy of The Latehomecomer: A Hmong Family Memoir by Kao Kalia Yang. I've yet to read it, but from her reviews and a response email I heard today by Kao herself, I'm quite interested in what I'll learn from reading it.

Just hearing Hmong dialect again in such fluency and familiarness, it really brings about this very warm and nostalgic feeling in me. It seems I just can't seem to turn away from what I grew up with. Being Hmong will always be apart of me, and I think I'm really starting to become eager to embrace it.

A snapshot from my uncle's wedding

2008-06-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

I just really like this shot. Everyone looks great, goofy, and happy.

Lately I've been thinking about how much photography is dead. Living in the digital camera age, I've seen a lot of boring photographs online, but I mean for the most I still appreciate well taken photographs.

I'm the second person to the left of the photo. Oh how I miss my brown hair. I'll probably be dying my now black hair to another color soon. Perhaps go back to a nice dark mahogany brown.

Don't forget to click the picture to enlarge it. If you'd like.

nothing no thing n o t h i n g ... . . . . .

2008-06-21T23:43:00.001-07:00

Ghost. Unknown. Without reason. Without care. Without destination.

Something inside chest, the breath; deep within the unexplainable part of. . . person/she .

Can't speak, hear screams. Heavy heavy. Want to do the same, but know it won't sound same. No thing's wrong. Confidence inside good, not lacking.

Something's in the air, up to no good, because no good feelings are felt.

Silence overcomes, observation inflated. This is good. It is something?

Alone again, becoming afraid. But knows not to be. Afraid of loneliness passed long ago. Fine without people. The nothing invades and makes the mind see no sense in living. Contemplation of sleeping forever. The water welling up in eyes are unexplainable. Alone, cry, but nothing spews from eyes. Wish he would come, hug. Not sadness, not anger or fear. Suppression. Unknowing suppression of a certain kind. Held with a hug, thought, makes seem full. Able to hold, that's something.

Nothing? Are you there? No and yes.

Where to go next? What to do. What's important. Could care less. Don't care. . .

Why is that?

Blank page talks. Open mind sees much. Forgets what is good or even bad. No direction. Nowhere to be lead. On own. Too much perhaps. Make decisions, no help given. Then, decisions become nothing.

Ring ring says the phone. Hello? Okay let's talk.

Hours past. All that was felt, remembered above.

Figure anything out? Write it out, even though did not.

Just to try. Recount what was felt. Put into some context.

Results may vary.

Avoid the I's. Stay away. Don't know why.

"Sanity is for the weak," he likes to say.

All things come to pass. So shall this? Perhaps.

Manger obento

2008-06-21T22:31:00.000-07:00

Click to enlarge photo.

Just to be, and be nothing else

2008-06-20T02:01:00.000-07:00

The girl with brown eyes, clear and steady, wandered around her room. She was looking for jeans to wear as she tossed around a couple piles of clothes, but she couldn't find any that were clean. All her pants needed laundering. They were at that point where the material gets all stretched out and it feels too unfit to be worn. So turning to her closet, she slowly went through all the hangers. Sweater, pass, it's too hot. Clean white collared shirt, pass, too formal. Shiny green dress from her mother's wedding, pass, too girly and formal, again. It's usually the formal clothes that go on hangers in the closet. You know, so they don't get wrinkly and all. The rest can just be folded on top of each other in a simple drawer. Finally, she stopped at a simple cotton cream colored dress. It was loose fitting and had a bit of subtle crocheting on the front of it, for style she supposed, perfect. It's right for the weather, I don't have pants to wear, why not she thought.

As she was exiting her house, brown-eyed girl slipped on her backpack and some flats. No, she wasn't going to school, just merely meeting a friend and taking a trip to the coffee shop, then perhaps later on to the book store. The backpack to her was more like a "purse" and not really a thing to carry heavy textbooks around. It's easy to move around with a backpack, purses around your shoulders can get a bit in the way if you feel a bit in the mood for running. Walking to the rendezvous bus stop, the girl saw that her friend had already arrived, quite on time. His messy brown hair barely brushed the middle of his forehead, it was neither to long nor too short. Hey, he greeted her. Sup, she replied. She sat down next to him and placed her elbow on his shoulder.

"It's been awhile hasn't it?" she said.

"Yep," he replied.

"What have you been up to?"

"Oh the usual, just reading books and whatever comes along."

Jack Kerouac, she thought to herself, with no real connection to what her friend had just said. I wonder how it would have felt like to be "on the road" with him. She wondered what kind of conversations they might have had if she ever perchance met him, or met with anyone who was willing to make that kind of trek and with that sort of mentality in general. Then she glanced down at herself and felt the looseness of her attire.

"Do you think my dress is too girly?" she asked.

"Not really," he said. "It looks good on you."

"Sometimes, I wish I wasn't a woman," she said, taking her elbow off his shoulder and crossing her arms. "I wish I could just have a nice random conversation with a man, you know, have a cool man to man talk. I wouldn't have to worry if he was quietly noticing my legs, or breasts, or hair. Or even think if he would be thinking "this girl's pretty cute." But I guess it's not like I don't like being a woman. It's nice, I guess. I actually like being a woman very much. I mean, I guess if I was a guy talking to a decent looking girl, I would be quietly noticing her legs, breasts and hair too, right? And that would also be troublesome I suppose."

"Well," he chuckled. "It's not like all guys stare at girls' legs and breasts all the time when we talk to them. We do know how to just be friends with girls you know. Not all of us just want sex."

"I know, I know. That's not what I meant," She laughed. "Besides, I said quietly watching. Which means, whether you like it or not, you're subconsciously noticing those things. I didn't say that men blatantly stare at women like that. Well, some do, perhaps most? Perhaps it's the few who don't really care as to if a girl is pretty or not? Well, it doesn't really matter to me, because I don't really care."

Just then, the bus arrived and they boarded it with all the others.

Hours later, brown-eyed girl and brown-hair boy walked through the almost empty streets. It was light out with the illumination of the lamp posts, other than that it was pretty apparent that it was late in the evening. Waiting for the bus to arrive again, they were situated near a small bar. A young middle-aged man with some facial hair was standing outside having a cigarette. He was drunk, you could tell. It wasn't the bad kind of drunk where one gets himself into a lot of trouble. But drunk enough to where he walked up to the pair and introduced himself.

"Hello there," he stated.

"Hi," said the boy.

"Hello," said the girl.

"How would you like to come in and have a few drinks?"

"Ah, I'm sorry sir, but we're underage," said the boy in a friendly voice.

It was almost as if the pair was babying him. Smelling the beer on his body and understanding the drunk state that he was in. They knew what alcohol did to people, in a personal sense. The man wasn't aggressive or anything of that sort, just in a sociable mood. So instead of being rude and turning the drunk man away like most people would have, the young boy continued on having a conversation. The young girl just sort of stood there smiling in sincerity, aware of the fact that she was a girl in a dress standing in front of a drunk man. She knew that he would do absolutely no harm to her, but she was still aware. It's something girls have to grow up with, being cautions of lecherous men. Boys don't usually have to deal with that problem as much as girls, seeing as boys are the one looked to as being capable of such lecherous acts and girls being the victims, for the most part. But not all is true, and both boys and girls are not always completely safe from the lechery in this world.

Soon enough, after his cigarette had gotten down to its filter, the middle-aged man decided to go back to the bar and said his goodbyes. The young boy and drunk man did not talk too extensively about anything important. Just usual small talk. The young girl said a few words. But for the most part was not quite included in conversation.

"See, like that," she said after the drunk man returned to the bar.

"Huh?" he replied taking out a box of cigarettes, taking out two.

"You know, the entire time it was just a conversation between the two of you," she said taking the cigarette and lighting it after the boy lit his own.

"Really? I didn't notice. But I think I see what you mean," he said blowing out smoke.

"Yeah, well it was probably my fault anyway. For being so aware of the fact that I'm a woman," she chuckled. "I shouldn't be thinking like this. It's ludicrous. It's not like you guys were having an amazingly interesting conversation anyway."

"I guess," he shrugged.

"Do you want to sit down?" she asked as began to sit down crossing her legs indian style.

"Sure," he replied.

"Oh well...I think I'm just thinking too much," she continued. "Even if it'd be "easier" for me to have a "man on man" conversation with a guy if I were a guy, who's to say I can't have a conversation just as filling if I were a woman?"

"Yep, now that's the way to think," he assured her.

After waiting awhile for the bus that didn't come. The pair decided to just get up and walk home, only about a mile or two away. Brown-eyed girl and Brown-hair boy walked home side by side, talking until the moment they departed at the fork which led them to different places.

Obento Days

2008-06-18T01:00:00.001-07:00

Making lunch boxes, to me, is more than just jamming food into a little plastic container. That's not to say that I always try to artistically juxtapose my the lunch in my lunch box. I just like making lunch for myself. Above is only one of a few many photos I have of my lunches over the course of these last few weeks. Slowly, I'll add all the photos I have up on the blog.

A lot of people ask me why I take a picture of my lunch. I'm not really sure how to answer that one. But all I can say is, doesn't it just look so cool?!?

I think so, that's why I take a picture.

More work to be done, variations to be tried

2008-06-18T00:56:00.000-07:00

Yet another variation of this photograph. I think it keeps on getting better and better. Although all variations of this photo of Beast are equally appealing to my eyes.

d®aw

2008-06-17T00:03:00.000-07:00

Today, I enjoyed a nice bowl of Vietnamese pho.

Although it was a bit much and left me feeling completely, completely heavy afterwards...Anyway, today Tom and I probably sat inside Pho Hut for about over an hour and a half, if not longer because I wasn't really keeping track of time. We were playing a game. You should try it. I haven't decided a name for it yet...don't think I ever will. But, all you need is one of these:

If you couldn't already tell, it's just a plain piece of paper. Although specifically in this photo where Tom drew a circle and wrote in illegibly small handwriting "put pho bowl here," this paper is obviously one of those paper mats that you sometimes get at restaurants.

Anyway, there wasn't much to it at first. I just started with a circle, then Tom continued in which another line grew, then another picture, then more detailed images and so on...

This is Tom trying to be clever. -_- Drawing laser eyes on my innocent little bear child image.

The amazing thing about this "game" is that you can play with more than two people.

Creation is existence.

That's all we had to say as we left the amazed waiter staring at the piece of art we just left for him in that small little restaurant.

This isn't a hotel; get out.

2008-06-16T21:37:00.000-07:00

There's never any closure with her. She's as convoluted as I am. Perhaps my honesty and complete okayness with submitting to my faults comes from the want of closure that I never received with her.

She is an individual as much as I am.

I don't want her money (if she isn't willing with all her heart as a mother to support me), I don't want her hard earned dough. She went through her tough times and defeated her demons and poverty stricken life. Now it's my turn and I can't be leeching off of her. I understand that. Even though I am her daughter, what right do I have to take anything from her that I have not earned? I have no right and I shouldn't be angry if she doesn't really want to have to do with me after I've decided to move out. I guess I just never understood what it meant to be a "good/lovable daughter."

"This isn't a hotel," he said. "You can't just live here and use us the way you do. You can't be going out whenever you want to and not listen to us. You have to follow the rules if you are to stay here."

I understand, I really do. But I want my freedom. I want to be able to go outside whenever I want to. I want to sleep where ever the hell I choose to sleep. I am smart. I don't have meaningless fun. I read. I think. I have ambitions. I'm a hard worker. I may make stupid decisions, but I'm always open to learning from my mistakes.

Perhaps I am being naive to the eyes of most others. Stay with your parents some might say. Do as they say. Be safe and allow that roof to be bolted over your head. Wash the dishes and say nice things to them. Lock up your soul. Live for what they want you to live for. Have a nice meal. Don't screw yourself over. Be obedient. It's good for you, for your existence. You won't feel the pain that society has to offer those who decide to trek on their own. Suffocate yourself.

If freedom's what I want, then freedom's what I'll get.

"Get out!" they shouted.

Okay so, maybe that's not what they really said. But I don't really know what they want from me. I don't really want anything from them. I just hope they remain safe and happy.

Something to say

2008-06-15T13:53:00.000-07:00

He said to me once, that he could never love another person ever again. I didn't believe him. He was just being a hermit for the moment. Heck I would be too if I couldn't understand the difference between love and friendship. Well, the thing is, I can't really understand it either, but that doesn't mean I don't know what "love" might feel like.

For most people, love consists of two people, most of the time a girl and a boy, but that could also extend to a girl and a girl or a boy and a boy. But when you start getting into talks of gays and lesbians, that's where I really get confused. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind gays or lesbians at all, in fact I feel as if I sort of really understand how they feel. Well, not to the degree of wanting sex and what not. But sharing each other's minds. It shouldn't matter if your a girl or a boy or if you like girls or boys. Get rid of the body, the mind is what I can really get into. Although, the body can hold many projections on what is going on in one's mind. Perhaps to be called someone's girlfriend, I should be giving them things like hugs and kisses as well as my mind?

But there are many people I would like to give hugs and kisses to. I want to hold everyone who is important to me. Is that love? or mere friendship?

All I can say is that for the time being I don't love LOVE anyone. I'm not sure when I will be able to again. But I think that kind of love is overrated anyway.

To completely lose yourself in the existence of another person, and for them to lose themselves with in you. Save your souls.

Love but don't lose yourself.

I'll write today tomorrow yesterday

2008-06-13T16:15:00.000-07:00

I've been writing a story inside my head. I wish that at the moments I am thinking those thoughts, I could have a computer to fastly organize a story into something tangible and perhaps rememberable. Words come out so much quicker when I type. Perhaps I must perfect the art of handwriting before I situate myself into using only technology to write.

Prepare prepare. I will be back. If only I had the time of night and my own personal computer.

The freedom of my computer, my room, my apartment, my time, my decisions, my own life. This is only something I want now that I will not so much care for later. It's the never ending black whole of never being filled. To be fulfilled is to be complete, to be complete is to be done, finished, ended.

//rant rant...

Inside the bubble

2008-05-31T11:37:00.000-07:00

What do people do to have fun?

What can two people do together?

What is it to have feelings for another person?

Sometimes, I really just don't know anymore. Really. My mind is numbing.

So close little pink cat.

2008-05-27T23:24:00.000-07:00

Again, press play and continue reading.

SeeqPod - Playable Search
So in the past few weeks in which I have not been writing or adding any new posts to my blog, I have been working. Working almost everyday, save the wonderfully fulfilling two days the government forces my job to give me off. Oh well, at least I'm getting a good paycheck right? I mean if I'm gonna try to rent an apartment and try to live on my own, I should be working as much as possible. But everyone knows that too much work can't be too good for one's life. Anyhow, I still manage to do creative work in between all this getting up, going to school, then going to work, going back to sleep and getting up again.

The photo featured below, was taken with a web camera. A camera built into a mac laptop to be exact. With distortion, contrast and color setting, and a little help from this internet photo fixing site, picnik.com, I was able to make this new photo graphic! Unfortunately, I haven't been able to use photoshop anymore, because of computer problems.

What I love about the word in the photo is that it has more than one meaning. Oh me oh my! How amazing. It can mean close, as in "stay close to me, don't get lost", or it can mean close, like "close that door it's way too cold". What does it really mean? I don't know...you tell me.

Another little photo project I took five minutes to make was this awesome hazy pink colored cat photo on the right. It really gives me this My Bloody Valentine feel...seeing as the color of this photo does resemble the album cover for their most amazing CD Loveless. I used this photo to make a nice colored background for my myspace, featured in the photo below.

Hope you enjoy.

Andrea Offerman

2008-04-24T23:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't read Life of Pi yet, and I'm not sure if I plan to. But all I know is that I really like this artwork titled "Battle of the Minds," by Andrea Offerman created for the novel. She is also an artist that I found through Nucleus.

But, I think what I really like the most about this piece is this up close version of just the tiger surrounded by the seemingly attacking and evil fish.

I can just really connect to this work. In looking at different artworks, different people connect with different themes, and I just really connected well with this one. And I guess that's why I like it so much. What I like about it so much is the singled out tiger and the fierceness of his stature. Everything is against him, but he stands ready to fight to the death. I guess what I could connect in this is that sometimes I feel singled out and I like to think that I stand my ground when I'm feeling down. It's hard to describe in written words. Something which I'd like to get better at.

Anyway, I'll have to keep this thought of powerful themes in mind. Because as an artist myself, I want to make are that inspires while having fun drawing and painting and whatnot. I don't want to just create something that's pretty, but pretty with meaning I guess you could say. As cheesy as that may sound.

Well, I know I haven't been blogging as much as I want to, but hopefully I'll find more ideas and time to create more posts!

Oh how I love to create.

Life is changing

2008-03-28T02:21:00.000-07:00

SeeqPod - Playable Search

Press play. Continue to read.

Okay, so it's been awhile since I've updated or written anything new with in my creative blog. I guess this evening (or early morning) I feel the urge to explain and express some of the thoughts that have been running through my head this past week. Above, I've also added some nice accompanying music of songs that I very much do enjoy.

First of all, as a comment to the song "Bebot" by The Black Eyed Peas, honestly, the first time I heard it I didn't like it very much. I thought it was kind of weird since I wasn't Filipino. But my good friend Georgia, who is Filipino, seems to really enjoy the song, she plays it in the car when we drive around on occasion, and even though I'm not Filipino, I've really grown to the song.

Anyway, as for my life situation, oh so much has been happening. Dealing with work and boys and other things, I've been talking like crazy to all the friends I know! It's really an astonishing thing to me, because I don't think that I've ever really had these many people to talk to before! But I'm really glad, I've been realizing more and more how much I'm not so much a loner anymore. I'm not really sure what was wrong with me before, perhaps I just didn't give enough time and effort into friends? The other day I was telling my friend, Gwen, that I finally feel like I have really good friends, and she replied to me saying, "you've always had friends." It was a sweet thing to hear. And even if it might have been true, I think this whole new experience that I'm going through isn't really about if I ever really had friends or not, but how much I've changed and grown and had fun with such lovely lovely people. I cannot seem to stop saying how lovely these people are to me. This thing that I have right now, these friendships and relationships, are the first I've ever really had, and I'm cherishing every moment of it. I may sound young and naive at the moment, but this is truly how I feel and I cannot deny that.

Oh me oh my, how I feel so happy and carefree. Currently there are loves that I've been keeping my eyes on, but I'm not sure where anything will go? I don't want to move to fast into a relationship, but it's true that I still am lonely. Oh well, this is what we all feel at certain times. Right now, I think I just want to concentrate on how lucky I feel.

Anyway, I hope this post wasn't a waste of any one's time. I hope the music was enjoyed and please always come back for more. :]

Peace.

Music + Photos

2008-03-01T11:17:00.000-08:00

Press play. Look photo.

Click to enlarge photos, after the song is through though.
Remixes are the shit.

Facebook graffiti

2008-02-12T23:59:00.001-08:00

I use facebook for three reasons and three reasons only:

1. Friends
2. Tetris
3. Graffiti

Other than that I don't log on to my facebook account very much. But ever since I started the graffiti application on facebook I've been hooked. I've even made some posters out of my online artwork (using only my mouse). I brought some of those posters to portfolio day at Otis and everyone loved them. Anyway, I've been meaning to write a post about the graffiti application for a while now and I finally decided that today is the day!

I must expose this incredibly fun and addicting application by which the public may draw any kind of art they would like!

The graffiti application is great because you can take as long as you want to finish it...as long as you can keep your computer on all day. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as save button on the application. The best thing you've got is the undo button, and there isn't even a redo button. There could be a lot more features on the graffiti application, but over all it's great. I guess if there were anymore features on the application then one would have to buy the program to use it! And you can't have none of that when you're giving something like this out to the public now can you? No, I think not.

But still, the graffiti application has this great feature of replay which I absolutely love. Some how, seeing a replay of my hours of work just makes me feel so good and accomplished.

Anyway, check out some of the artwork I've drawn (with a mouse) using the graffiti application:

Click the pictures to enlarge them if you'd like.

So if you're looking for a reason to start a facebook account. This is it. It's the best and only reason one should be on facebook anyway, save for tetris as well. But one thing that I can say about facebook that I really like is that, it's really interactive. Although sometimes I think it's a little too interactive and cluttered with all the different types of applications on facebook. Anyway, I've provided you the facebook link above, now you go and find the graffiti application, add me and draw me something nice will ya?

By the way, I'd also really appreciate it if these pictures stay non-publicized. But feel free to publicize my blog! Thanks.

Sleeping is giving in

2008-02-12T23:40:00.001-08:00

This is one of my favorite art works. I don't know who made this though...shame on me. I must find out who this artist is, so that I can put a name to the artwork. Nevertheless, just take in this piece. Click the photo to enlarge. I wish I had the brains to think of this.

Nucleus art

2008-02-11T22:50:00.001-08:00

I first heard of Nucleus about a couple of years ago from an old friend. I've been to the store located in Alhambra about 3 times. It's quite a drive out of the way, but I wouldn't mind visiting it again. Recently, I was prompted to visit the Nucleus website, and there, I found a googolplex of images that I saved to my folder of "Pictures that I really like". It's not really called that, but I think you get the point. Here are some artworks I really liked:

Fuco Ueda

Emma Sky

Ena

Frank Stockton

I have a bunch more but I'll save those for later! As you could probably tell from the pictures, Nucleus has a very Pop-Japanese feel to it, one type of art that I really enjoy. But art isn't the only thing you'll find at Nucleus. You'll find lots of unnecessarily necessary things to buy for quite a price (not cheap). Even so, it's worth checking out and it's doing wonders as an art gallery/store.

Nucleus will be moving it's store soon. To this new address:

210 East Main St.
Alhambra CA 91801

I believe it's still close by to the previous Nucleus. I don't know when I'll find the time to visit the new store though.

Zebra on the wall

2008-02-08T01:03:00.001-08:00

I think there should be more graffiti like this in the world.

"How can you let others decide for you?"

2008-02-08T00:38:00.000-08:00

I do admit that I have been quite slow in reading The Fountainhead, but lately I've been really getting into the novel and I really love it. The issue at hand which I want to speak about is about doing something you love. In the novel, Howard Roark is this completely awesome character who represents doing things for yourself. As selfish as that may sound, I don't care. Roark is only interested in doing what will please him, making architectural designs with no limits, no criticism by the people. Basically, Roark does not design to serve the people and what they might like, his purpose is to just design because of his love of it.

I think this is a pressing issue today, as well as it might have been in the 1950s. But I think we are starting to break away from the mold and many more people are doing things that they'd much rather do. But it's not all true. When someone goes out to work in the "real world", you get told to do many things that you are not happy about, or you are told to do things that you feel would be better changed, but because everyone else likes it a certain way, that thought and small opinion is seen insignificant.
I for one completely hate it. I hate being subservient to the views of "people", the views of popular opinion. I mean let's face it, it's not like the mass is so very smart and interesting anyway. So why do some have the constant need to please them?

Sure maybe there is a thing called compromise, but I dislike that as well. Especially if the people I'm compromising with are utterly terrible people.

Being told what to do, to do things a certain way and not in a way you see it best. I think it's utterly terrible. It eats you up and tears you apart. Oh how the opinions of other people can be so overpowering and hurtful. How do I know what's good if other people don't like it? I'm just different and I like what I like. I wish it were Halloween again, so that I can walk around school with a white bed sheet over me all day.

18 miles down 26.2 to go!

2008-02-03T21:07:00.002-08:00

Today, I woke up at 6:00am and took a nice jog to school. There I met up with my SRLA (Students Run L.A.) runners from school, and from there we headed off to the Hansen Dam 18 mile friendship run.

Call me crazy but I loved this race. It rained through the entire morning during the race and I loved it. With headphones in ear and a nice scarf to keep me warm I ran for 18 miles. Although I have to admit, during the last two miles of the race, I was completely dying and my body felt as if it couldn't run anymore, over all, I really got into the run and the rain was just amazing, not to mention the scenery.

The next race I'm doing now is the L.A. Marathon, I hope I can finish it, I was barely able to finish this one. But all in all, running makes me so entirely happy. During some point during my races I usually get in this "zone" and I'm always smiling. Word of advice, when you run don't forget to forget how you feel (forget that it hurts to run), and always smile, it really does make you feel better. But I mean, don't go off smiling like a weirdo, I'm usually smiling on the inside. If that makes any sense.

I feel it all

2008-02-02T21:44:00.000-08:00

I drew this painting originally from a photo of my cousins and I when we were younger, about 9 or 10. I don't have to say much about it, I hope it speaks for itself. Click the photo to see it's original size.

Idle days don't feel to good

2008-01-24T20:53:00.000-08:00

I hope I haven't deterred any readers because of my recent inactivity in new posts. I've still been having difficulty trying to figure out what to write. Maybe I will do some short stories and poems in future posts. I do have posts that I've been saving to write, but you'll see those later. Right now, I am currently unable to reach direct internet connection so that has also been stalling new posts.

Until next time then.

The start of something

2008-01-09T16:50:00.000-08:00

They sound a bit like The Smiths a good friend of mine said after I sent him the mp3 file over AIM. This song by Voxtrot has been on repeat for many days now. Let's just say this song gives me one of those little grins across my face; you know those grins where you don't know how to explain something is good, but it's just so good it makes you happy? I've just recently started to listen to Voxtrot, so I can't say much about them right now. I don't even have much of their music.

Anyway, they don't really sound like The Smiths in all of their songs, I guess just this one in particular, but if you like what you hear, definitely check them out. I definitely will be. Expect a review on them in a future post. Until then, this is all I have to offer.

Sorry I haven't posting as much as I should be. I've been having difficulty finding really interesting things to post about. If you have anything you think I should know about, please, do tell; what ever the subject matter maybe.

Hope your week is going well.

Download: The Start of Something by Voxtrot

Another thing, do tell me if a download link ends up not working. I'll reupload them if necessary. Thanks!

In reference to the flyingclubcup.com videos

2008-01-04T17:58:00.001-08:00

I still have yet to decide which one is my favorite.

Next off the shelf

2008-01-04T16:57:00.000-08:00

Next on the bookshelf to come off is The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. I don't know much about the book yet, but I all I know is that it invovles architects and Rand's "groundbreaking philosophy, Objectivism," so says the back of my paperback novel. Although the pages of this novel are long, I am trying not to be intimidated and just hope that there aren't drolling pages of nothing that will make me confused and uninterested. But! until then, I don't know what this novel has to offer, and I have high hopes for this book!

My mother herself said that Ayn Rand's novels inspired her to become a lawyer. Of course, keep in mind that she was an immigrant from "out of the jungle" as she likes to say it, and she only began learning English when she was 11-years-old. So I have some expectations. As should you!

Also, another benefit to reading this novel is that there is a Fountainhead Essay Scholarship Contest giving out between $50 - $10,000 to about 251 students (high school and college).

Reading and crying in the all-too-early hours of the morning

2008-01-04T11:53:00.000-08:00

So I'm glad to announce that I'm finally done reading Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close and I finally understand everything that went on in the book. Today, instead of going to school, I am being sick. For many various reasons I decided not to go to school; first of all, I really am truly sick, I woke up with this bad hole in my mouth, that's still there now; secondly, my sleeping patterns have been really irregular, for the past few days, I've been staying up till 3-5am in the morning...just reading, which is something I don't mind too much, but the though of waking up the next day (or day of) feeling completely drained of energy doesn't excite me too much; thirdly, I really need to get some shit done at home, things like chores, art projects...and reading more. The day before, I bought another book (by Tao Lin) online with this gift card I got for Christmas, and yesterday I bought two more books, one by Camus (a French writer; because the book is in French) and the other by Vonnegut.

Anyway, one of the reasons I'm writing is to discuss how Foer's novel really really made me cry. I mean I was bawling in my bed while reading this novel at 8am in the morning. It sort of felt good, like I was not only relieving the pressures of my good friend Oskar Schell in the novel, but my own pressures as well. But while in the midst of crying like I'd lost my own father, I wondered why and how things like books and movies could provoke such fierce emotions of sadness. I mean it's quite evident that novels and films do that to people, I was just really wondering, "why"? It's not like the events that happened in the novel was ever true (particularly for Oskar), and even if it was, how does the sad story of another's life get me bawling like there's no tomorrow? Either way, I fully enjoyed this novel by Foer and was quite saddened when the story had to end.

Let's just say that that was a rhetorical questoin, and I'm not really looking for an answer or anything. It's one of those things where you get it, but you don't get it. You have to delve deeper into thinking than just scratching the surface of that question and initial thought of it.

Extremely Close & Incredibly Loud made me feel and think in a googolplex of many ways (I caught on the word googolplex after reading the novel, it's quite a fun an interesting word to describe and spice up yours sentences). Through out the novel, parts the novel switched from Oskar's first person point of view to either one of his grandparent's first point of view. And that's what was made me feel the heaviest, or maybe just like life is so goddamn short. They, either when the grandma or grandpa was narrating, always talked about their youths and their sad lives (in my point of view) as old people and how they lost everything in the bombing of Dresden, and how life was so goddamn precious, but they just kept hurting themselves by not being truthful to each other because their own fears and regrets of the past. It gave me "heavy boots" (which is a phrase Oskar used often) when they narrated, it made me feel like my youth was passing right by me and in a short while I'll be that old and grown sitting in some place by myself thinking about my grandchildren or something of that sort. And especially since I've been feeling like there's no time in a day to do everything I want to do lately, life seems especially expedient and short, exemplifying the fact that I'll be old too quick! But, I am only ranting, and I know that I'm just feeling like this at the moment, but I will shortly get over it and live life normally, as if it's not short at all.

But still, that thought led me to thinking about my own future, and how one day my little brother (who is only 6 months old currently) will have children and be taller than me and I will finally know someone who really cares about me and has a special connection with me, someone else' sister! Or maybe I'm just assuming too much to think that he will love me that much, but already I am growing so attatched to him. Oh, you cannot understand how strange it is for me to one day be able to know and love a person like that.

This novel had me wide awake at 3am in the morning. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. My mind was thinking too much. Did you know that it takes an average person 7 minutes to fall asleep?

It took me 30 minutes.

Anyway, I think that's all I have to say for now. I've been trying to find new topics to write about here, but so far nothing is great enough for me to speak of. Hopefully I'll find something soon.

Beirut B-sides on seeqpod.com

2008-01-02T00:33:00.000-08:00

The other day, while making a playlist on seeqpod.com, I found songs I had never heard of before from one of my all-time favorite bands, Beirut. If you don't already know about Beirut, I suggest you listen to them now. I guarantee, you'll definitely raise your music credibility points, if that were ever real. Of course, I'm being sarcastic and you can listen to them if you want. Everyone has their own taste in music.

But seriously, I really love this band, and it was exciting to discover these B-sides. So as is my purpose of blogging and what not, I'm sharing it with you. Give a listen to the music player above. Most of the songs aren't on any of their albums, but I added a few album favorites on the bottom just for the heck of it. Some of the songs may not work right now, but they should later; I already played them all earlier. If all fails, you'll have to just look up the songs on your own on seeqpod.com.

Beirut, with their sounds of trumpets, accordions, ukeleles, tamborines, drums, and many other instruments influenced from Europe, you'll feel like your in a far off distant country with mountains and oceans surrounding you; you'll feel light-hearted and free. Well, at least that's how I feel when I listen to them.

Since we are on the subject of Beirut, I can't forget to mention their wonderful website of videos of songs from their latest album, "The Flying Club Cup." These videos are derivations of the so very popular Take Away Shows of La Blogotheque. With it's raw and in the moment shooting of videos out in the street, you'll hear and see music the way it's supposed to be heard and seen. Well, it'd be more real if you were in the street listening to the music yourself, but since we can't do that, these videos are the next best thing. Check out the Beirut music videos at www.flyingclubcup.com.

Download: Nantes by Beirut

Reading Foer and books; not because of a silly new year's resolution

2008-01-01T20:39:00.001-08:00

I'm currently reading Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, as evindently stated in the title of this post and the photo to your left.

I have a little mini library that I've been building recently. This book was on that bookshelf and now it's coming down. To tell you the truth, I feel like all I've been doing is buy the damn books, not reading them. As guilty as I am, it's never too late to change your ways. So I'm very eager to start reading a whole lot more this year, coincidentally it happens to be January 1st and new year resolutions happen to be popular during this time of the year, but that's not the reason why I'm trying to read more. I just am because I want to, I don't give a damn about time (well calendar time that is), and I think it's utterly frivolous how people wait for new years to make a resolution. If you want to change something about yourself, do it now. Not then, not tomorrow, not later. Most people don't follow through with theirs anyways. Who says I will with mine?

Well, enough with the ranting and digression, on with the book. So far, I'm enjoying this novel very much. It focuses on an intelligent, wide-eyed, nine-year-old boy named Oskar Schell who lost his father on the morning of September 11th. To be honest, I don't quite understand what goes on during some parts of the novel, but I think I'm not supposed to understand what's going on. All I can say is, this book is different in style of what I've ever read. It's poetic, and it even has pictures! Well to put it more poetically and not by me, it's "a rare and really impressive example of a text with fully integrated visual elements," said Mark Jones here. It'll really get you thinking and feeling a different way. I guess it makes me feel "profound"; but using it in such quotations, I am obviously mocking it for it's cliché.

Either way, I encourage you to check out this novel and see for yourself what makes it so profound and enjoyable. I love this kid, Oskar Schell. He makes me feel kind of guilty for not being that kind of kid when I was younger. See, I've already created an invisible bond between myself and a character from a novel; goes to show how much I like it.

Again, feel free to voice any criticisms you may have of my writing or digression. It would be much appreciated.

Black Kids rock my new year's eve

2007-12-31T18:15:00.000-08:00

I was going to save this post for friday, so that I could really stay true to the lyrics "it's friday night and I ain't got nobody," from the song Hurrican Jane by Black Kids. But I couldn't wait to write about this band, they're just too damn good to wait that long. I've been listening to them all day. It'd be too cheesy if I went through with that whole friday night post thing anyway.

It was a few days ago that a good friend of mine, Tom, introduced me to Black Kids. Right from the first song, they had me. And that's a pretty rare thing for me these days. You know that feeling, when you hear something that's just really so good that you have to tell everyone you know about it? Well that's what Black Kids did to me. And that's why I'm telling you.

I've never been one to be good at describing what kind of music a band plays. I'm not too good at saying "they sound like insert very cool verbs and acjectives" or something of that sort. I just listen to what I like; that's all I can say. Maybe in the future, with a little more experience in writing about other bands, I'll be able to better describe what I hear.

Until then what I'll say is that, Black Kids put me in a feel-good mood everytime I listen to them. It's definitely, most definitely, great music to dance to, not to mention sing a long to as well.

Check out their myspace, if you already haven't clicked the link I provided for you. Find them at www.myspace.com/blackkidsrock and then let me know what you think.

Also, I haven't mentioned the drawing (by Paul Sammut) yet; I found it on their myspace the other day and I loved it. As quoted from Black Kids themselves, "much better than any shit photo."

Download: I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You by Black Kids

Until next time, Happy New Year!

Sleep, don't call me back okay?

2007-12-30T15:22:00.000-08:00

So I have this problem with sleep right? My friend from across the country, he has this problem with sleep too. But his problem with sleep is different. For him, he's an insomniac; sometimes, he doesn't sleep for days. As for me, as soon as it becomes dark, I just seem to be unable to stay awake. I mean sure, it sounds normal and all right? I'm just an easy sleeper?

But really, I don't think it's that simple at all. Sleep kills me. Take for instance the fact that I have multiple chores I need to be finishing today, instead of finishing it, I sat on my bed, and fell asleep, again. I suppose you can mistake my sleepiness for laziness, but I'm pretty sure it's also some sort of psychological thing going on in my body and mind. I sleep so easy because it's so goddamn comfortable on my bed; it's so comfortable that it's better than being awake. My eyelids just can't seem to stay open, they're glued shut. Sleep just seems to feel better than reality.

But it's not all happy heaven and dreams when I sleep in the afternoon. Ever heard of sleep paralysis? According to dreamsnightmares.com, sleep paralysis is a condition in which when one is about to fall asleep, or just about to awake from sleep, he or she is unable to move, speak or cry out. And in the painting above called The Nightmare by Henry Fuseli; sleep paralysis is depicted pretty accurately.

I've already realized my sleep paralysis condition long ago and I don't really get nightmares anymore, but I still find it very difficult to get my body to move. Sometimes I even dream while I'm half awake, and I get up, but I don't really get up. It's this vicious cycle in my mind that's trying to get up, over and over again. It's kind of horrible and it gives me a killer headache.

So all I can say is, I hope I don't fall asleep again. Or at least, I hope one day I'll be able to better control my sleeping patterns. Perhaps I will be able to, once my life becomes relatively "more exciting" or full of purpose. Until then, sleep kills me, it takes time away from doing what I want to do and it gives me killer headaches. I don't want to be sleeping my life away. I want to stay awake like the rest of the American youth.

Anyway, stay tuned for more posts. I promise they'll be more exciting.

By the way, feel free to leave any comments or feedback if you'd like. It might give me reason to post more frequently. I don't want to be talking to myself in this blog now.

Now I'm here too

2007-12-29T11:05:00.000-08:00

I've been talking about making my own blog for awhile now. Finally after a good friend of mine made his own blog, I'm finally starting my own. This blog is strictly creativity; I can't promise though, that things in my life would not bleed into the pages of this blog. I'm here to create, relate and just be here.

Hope you come back to read more posts.